iPod Shuffle Story
Recently, Mike Davidson had a story-writing contest to give away an iPod Shuffle. You just had to write about how you lost it, and he'd found it. Here's the silly, urban-legends-based story I wrote to enter!
One morning, not too long ago, I got up and checked my e-mail, like always, and I found an e-mail from no less than Mr. Bill Gates himself!!! He said that Microsoft was working on a way to track e-mails, and if I'd help him test it by forwarding it, he'd send me a thousand dollars for every forward I sent!! Well, of course I couldn't resist, so I sent it on to just a hundred of my closest friends, along with a petition I'd signed to have everyone wear red and drive with their headlights on this Friday, to show support for our troops.
Naturally I immediately went out and bought my most-wanted item, an iPod Shuffle. I started to go to Wal-Mart, until I remembered I was boycotting them for selling globes with Israel labeled as Palestine. So I turned my car towards Target... but those jerks don't support the veterans which are hard at work protecting my country! Finally, I decided on Best Buy.
After purchasing my beloved Shuffle (oh joy and rapture!), I drove to the gas station to fill up. My cell phone buzzed, which almost threw me into a panic! I ran away from the gas pumps and then looked at it... I'd received an e-mail, from Best Buy! They said that someone had tried to use my card after me, and they needed my credit card number to confirm the fraudulent transaction. I immediately replied... isn't cell phone convenience the best? Did I mention it can unlock my car? Which is very useful since I lost my remote fob.
I stopped by Tim Horton's for my hourly cup of coffee... man, this stuff's more addictive than cigarettes! I wonder what they put in it. I had them fill up my ceramic coffee mug, since everyone knows that hot stuff in plastic releases carcinogens into your drink. I flipped on the radio and heard that some overseas couple named their kid Yahoo since they'd met on Yahoo's personals. Those crazy foreigners!
By this time I arrived home and went back to my computer. I loaded up my Shuffle with the latest songs by Kid Rock and some oldies from his father, Hank Williams Jr. Suddenly, I heard the sound of a baby crying outside the front door. I ran to it and threw the door open, only to see a tape recorder. Puzzled, I bent over to pick it up when someone shoved me back inside! He stuck a perfume bottle under my nose and sprayed it, and everything went black.
I awoke in my bathtub, freezing cold. As I groggily looked around, I saw a note that said to call 911 and not move. I reached out and grabbed my cordless, which had been left on the toilet lid, but the battery was dead. Moments later, as I was still trying to regain some comprehension, I heard my door broken down and the police ran in. I'd forgotten my cordless calls 911 when the batteries die.
Oddly enough, the only thing missing from my house... was my iPod Shuffle. How I miss it. I'd buy another, but unfortunately my money that Mr. Gates will be sending me has already gone to my lawyer. It seems the surgeon who stitched me up left his wristwatch in me.
Did you catch all the urban legends? Here's the links to their Snopes pages!
Bill Gates is NOT giving away money for e-mail tracking!Signing online petitions doesn't accomplish much
Wearing red on a particular date and driving with your headlights on are not the most effective ways to support our troops
Wal-Mart did not sell globes with Isreal labelled as Palestine
Target stores DO, in fact, support veterans
Cell phone use at a gas station will most likely NOT create an explosion
Of course, we all know better than to give out our credit card numbers online!
Cell phones cannot unlock any car with remote keyless entry Tim Hortons' coffee does not contain nicotine
Hot liquids do not cause plastic to release carcinogens
No one has named their kid "Yahoo" after having met on the Internet
Hank Williams Jr. is NOT Kid Rock's father
Serial killers are not luring women out of the house with the tape-recorded sound of a baby crying
Nor are criminals knocking out their victims using ether in perfume bottles
SOME very very old cordless phones call 911 on their own if the battery goes low
I seriously doubt you'll wake up in a tub of ice without your kidneys, the victim of black-market organ dealers!
And finally, though no link for this one, we've all heard the tale of people really being sewn up after surgery with something inside them, be it a sponge or a retractor, but as far as I know, it's never been a watch!