Graduating Therapy - 03/14/2006
It wasn't nearly as sad as I had imagined. Months ago, just the thought of graduating therapy reduced me to tears. Today, I went to see Susan, my therapist. I hadn't seen her since January 3rd, because I had been in EMDR with Tom. Backing up a little, I hadn't slept well last night because I cried myself to sleep. I am sad to leave therapy, but I know everything will be fine... I just have to let myself cry it out.
Susan actually hadn't heard from Tom because he'd been on vacation and all, so I got to tell her about the EMDR myself. I was happy that I did... it was neat to surprise her and see her reaction. I really did surprise her; she said I was like a whole new person. The thing is, being happy is all so new to me, that it surprises me too. Susan said that's what's so cute about it - I'm in awe at the same time as being happy!
I did a lot better than I thought I would. I cried some on the way there in my car, and waiting in the waiting room was tough, but I took some deep breaths and wrote in my notebook to calm down. I didn't actually cry again until close to the end of our session, but I'd come prepared with plenty of tissues! I think the time I spent over the past month or two, telling others that I was probably graduating therapy soon, really helped to prepare me for today. Of course, part of me didn't want to do it today, wanted another appointment, but on the other hand, I wouldn't want to put myself through all the crying again in a few weeks. Anyways, I can and will visit Susan sometime soon. :)
Susan granted my "last wish" (sounds so morbid, eek!) and walked me up to the front door when I left. It really helped to make me feel like she was still "with me," pulling for me. We teased each other on the way out. ;) I almost left my sweater behind and she said, laughing, "you subconsciously want a reason to come back!" I laughed. It was beautifully sunny out but windy and cold. I hadn't expected her to come outside with me, but she did. I hugged her and thanked her. I got to my car, crying and smiling at the same time, and drove away.
I might add to this page in a few days... right now it's all still new and special to me, and I'm trying to absorb it and process it. I am so grateful to Susan, and for her as well.